Should’s and Stuff

We spend our nights with our eyes squinched and our views’ blurred, with drinks in our hands and bodies crashing into us. But let me ask you….did you have a good time? Did you put yourself around the people who’d enhance your energy? Was your soul provided for in the purest ways? Were you truthfully and abundantly elated in your most bare form, where you could express yourself so honestly, that nothing else mattered? Was it all a hoax to convince your mind that you were having a good time when in fact, you most certainly were not?

I have found myself asking these questions more and more lately, and frankly, I think it’s more telling of a certain theme in my life currently; finding self-identity and looking for my place in this world. Isn’t that such a nice cliché? A 21 yr old girl, studying her way through college, single, and has no clue what she wants to do, but every clue on what she doesn’t want to do. It’s a tale as old as time. Yet, what I have noticed is that we all, at every stage of life, seem to find ourselves riddled with a longing to overturn new stones; continuously searching for a “deeper” meaning to our lives. This is a universal theme all humans experience multiple times in their lives. We all do it. We all hit that brick wall that makes us stop and think, “Is this where I should be in my life right now”?

I think there is some comfort in knowing that we as humans are all in the same boat whether we like it or not. However, when you think about it that way, it almost unveils the masks of these “perfect” lives people supposedly live. It breaks the pressure of living a life of “shoulds”. And yes, it also, on some level, takes away the uniqueness of our journeys and strips it down to the basic template that has in fact been worked with before. This is not to say that your journey or story is not unique, though. I mean it to be quite the opposite actually. I think there is nothing better than having a template that still allows for the ability to recreate and reshape it into something magical and powerful in one’s own rights. The very definition of creativity is recreation; fiddling with a certain aspect of something already made and extracting something new from it. To me, that’s what it means to write your story.

So next time you feel drained, ask yourself, am I doing what my soul needs from me or am I doing what I think I should be doing? Take the template and mold it to fit your life. And while you’re recreating, keep in mind if you were supposed to be doing something, you’d be doing, and if you’re not, that means you’re meant to do something different with your journey.

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