Lift, screen, stare,
Stare, screen, stare, screen, stare, twitch, fidget, distract.
Blink, stare, drool, sweat, type.
Confuse, stress, overthink, spiral.
Pivot, smaller screen, quiet typing, more starring.
Tired, hungry, walk, snack, hunch, smaller screen again, more sweating.
Snap back, no more hunch, deep breathe, stare,
Bigger screen, louder typing, more sweating.
Overthink, anxiety, depress, spiral, again, snap back, sip.
Focus, stare, type, stare, switch.
Stare, distract, snap back, type, stare, focus, focus, focus, focus more, keep focusing, switch, swig, type more, keep typing, focus more, more focusing, more typing, type more, keep typing, typing more.
Deep breathe, deep breathe again, another deep breath.
Eye open, come to, resurface, look, smile, feel relief.
“You had time to write this, and draw that picture, and do those other things…why is it so hard to do school things?” I DON’T KNOW, STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!!!!!
Priorities are HARD (*cries*) they are; judge me all you fucking want. Priorities are HARD. Yes, I know I should be doing that thig, but this thing is more fun and way more cooler (yes ik its wrong English, roll with me will ya?) and isn’t letting me concentrate. The monkey came out of his cage and yes, I am not trying to tame him! (I’m gonna discipline him…later…trut me it’ll happen…ya know, maybe) yes, for the mind of ADHD, lists and schedules, only go so far. Meds only go so far for some.
Balancing the line between being gentle with yourself and pushing yourself a little more is hard. It’s a daily struggle to do anything from something that might be small to something BIG.
I write this for anyone relating to these feelings. Whether you “have” ADHD or not. I write this to let you know that you are not alone!! There are people in the world facing similar if not, the same challenges as you and that. Is. okay!! I think the lesson here is to embrace your monkey. Embrace the voice in your head trying to distract you from anything that helps you get to your next level in life. If you embrace it and welcome the monkey, he won’t want to be there; his purpose is to annoy you and bother you! If you welcome his shenanigans, he will not want to be around you. This is a lesson to be learned and relearned every day, for the rest of our lives. The monkey won’t go away, but we can certainly learn to live with it rather that reject it, not understand it and become more frustrated every time he comes back.
So, do yourself a favor; make a new friend and embrace your monkey! Future you will thank you for sure.