To every guy I’ve ever been with, to every guy I’ve ever loved, to every guy I’ve ever experienced – I left a piece of myself with you along the way. I left pieces of myself I thought I didn’t need, pieces I thought I could live without. After each encounter, each relationship, I didn’t leave whole like I thought I did.
I left parts that wanted healing, acceptance, closure, comfort. Parts that wanted to love and be loved. I abandoned myself without realizing it because I only left “parts” not my whole self. But in fact, I was so wrong. Because when you abandon parts, of something, you, essentially, abandon the entire essence; then later you will realize that nothing ever works when it’s only half put together.
It’s time for a regrowth now, as I am not going to build those parts of me that once were, but allow new substance to grow, filling in the holes that have been ignored. I ignored those hollow parts of myself that were yearning for protection and attention, now I shall give them time and my full attention. I do not wish to backtrack and rebuild with the ruins of past building blocks.
Instead, I will regrow. I will fill in my empty spaces mindfully, intentionally and on purpose. I will replenish myself with dirt from the Earth that nurtures and provides space for new roots to grow. I will tend to my mini gardens of grass that grow tall and strong, taking in the oxygen that has been breathed into my body and transform its energy to inspire a new outlook.
And as these gardens grow, over time they will link in place to secure a fully configured structure that welcomes indifferently both love and hurt. This new fortification will no longer reject, but rather embrace all that is life and all that my being shall experience; welcoming all emotions equally, but guiding the hurt along with compassion and patience, until it finds its way out, and cherishing those lovely feelings, enjoying them as lifelong friends.
Understanding that just like the Earth, us humans also go through seasons. Nothing is constant as well a never guaranteed. This realization allows for me to put my mind at ease and understand; nothing is permanent and if it does not last, it was not meant for me. For timing is everything and we must greet that with acceptance.
As the saying goes, we do not have control over the things that happen to us, but we do have control over how we respond, and my response is to refocus my approach to my life. Cultivating more compassion, more understanding, for both myself and the world around me.